Sung by the F-A-T-! Piggies

FREDDIE: This is all very impressive. But we can’t use sheep to persuade the old dogs that the Internet is a special new place! Those Wise Old Dogs are used to HERDING sheep. They’ll think all this sharing is anarchy, communism, or worse: Socialism!
FREDDIE: I know, let’s ask Frieda to help! She has friends everywhere. Maybe some of them can help us find the New Moose.
FREDDIE: Frieda — will you join us in our search for the New Moose?
FRIEDA: Yes! I’ll meet you in the middle of Central Island

NARRATOR: Freddie and Frieda arrive on opposite coasts of Central island. As Freddie’s group lands, an Old Dog remarks:
OLD DOG: The Internet certainly is exceptional. But there’s some really weird **bleep** out there!
NARRATOR: Just then, some pigs appear.
PIG: Don’t worry, the Platform Protection Quartet is here to help!

We will protect you
Against all these harms.
Just give us your business

We’ll spare you alarms.
We have to know what you are doing
of course, of course, of course
to keep you safe!

Don’t bother making
Your own content
We’ll send you our best stuff
You send us payment.

We have to know who you’ve been liking
of course, of course, of course,
who’s in cahoots
of course, of course, of course

Music by Mario Tosto; Words by David Johnson & Mario Tosto